Friday, September 11, 2009

the Butterfly returns

Real life has a way of getting in the way!

Time to get back to exploring and expressing myself again....

More to come

Sunday, May 3, 2009


When I began this blog of my D/s journey I was hoping to be posting more often but the realities of "Real Life" got in the way a little and things have been very disconnected around here for some time. I think they are beginning to slowly improve and get back on track. I do feel a bit like it was 3 steps forward and 2 back so it's almost like rewinding and starting again a bit further back down the track again....

Sat night, no children home for the night again and the promise of something (the txt informing me it was Toy Time Tonight that I received in the afternoon while at my Mothers was indication of that - not easy to blush and giggle in front of your Mother and try to explain it away as something else!)

So, we reconnected and most definately in a way that I needed it at the moment. To connect emotionally and physically. When the emotional meets the physical in the right time and place and in the right balance the effect can be mindblowing and indeed it was.  They were among the most powerful orgasms I have had, the slow build up as the fires were stoked then the almighty powerful release like a dam bursting it's banks. The waves swept over me, moving thru my body engulfing me. I was lost, mind and body one. I became my orgasm, again and again the feelings rippled thru my body. Unable to speak, the noise that escaped my lips was primal, a release that echoed my body. 

There was little about that night that was D/s apart from the feeling of handing over myself to him, it did begin with some delicious back scratching and a hint of passion in a deep intense kiss.

I needed that reconnection, a piece of my soul was crying out for it. Some missing pieces we can choose to live without , others are deal breakers and part of the essential must haves of our soul, our very essence. D/s and the blend of emotional, physical connection are part of the pieces I need to balance myself. I have been feeling so very much out of kilter and knocked off my core centre point, I feel like I got back a little closer to my inner balance on Sat night.

Friday, April 10, 2009



1. an act or instance of seducing, esp. sexually.
2. the condition of being seduced.
3. a means of seducing; enticement; temptation.

I love words. I write so of course I love words and the way you can play with them, express with them and invite with them.

I particulary love the word "seduction" or "to seduce", it conjours up all sorts of things for me.

I love being seduced, the connection of the mind into sexuality. I mean afterall it is the biggest sex organ in reality and the most important, especially in women. The slow dance of seduction, the enticement, the temptation. The promise of more to come, be it subtle or unsubtle seduction.

I also like the turn the tables and become the seducer rather than the seduced. Leading the dance can be fun as well. Leading doesn't lend itself to being a sub so I get little opportunity to do that and I admit I miss it, I had it in a secondary relationship once it it was an interesting dynamic.

Am still trying to figure out how and where seduction fits into BDSM in the traditional sense, a lot of our BDSM is certainly about the midn and mind sex and interplay but is not what I would consider traditional seduction.

On another note....I think things are getting back on track and this sub looks forward to continuing her exploration

Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Observations and update

Not a lot to report around here. Sir has been unwell on and off for weeks and neither of us have been in the head space for intense BDSM activity. I've had a few things on my mind and been a bit low as well so we have been taking things very quietly, strange how things moves in ebbs and flows.  I remember on stage last year where we had sex every day for a month and up to 3 times  day, sometimes just "plain" sex (although even plain for us is pretty out there) and other times rough, intense sessions.

This week we did manage to get in the head space and a simple cuddle turned into some pretty intense sex.

Interesting observations. I think back over the last 5 years when i left my ex husband and began to embark on this journey of self discovery. If you'd told me then that I'd participate in, like and even crave the things I do now I would have called you crazy. Lately it's biting, when Sir bites my ass or my back it sends my head spinning into sub space. 

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

All Quiet on the Western Front

Nothing to report here....all quiet. Real life and daily dramas of families and some ill health have gotten in the way.

Feeling kinda blue so not really in the head space for D/s. I guess others can relate to that. Kind of wierd as I'm feeling more touchy, feely and needing cuddles more than restraint and flogging. Am sure normal service will be resumed. Seems a case of 3 steps forward and 2 back. I think it's about other aspects my my sexuality not being met  but think thats a whole new post entirely ;)

Submissive Butterfly

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

The 2nd night

I have 3 nights in a row to write about and real life has gotten in the way of putting fingers on keyboard to type.

Surrender was the first night....and this retelling of the 2nd night shall be short but oh so sweet.

I wore panties in the Den, admittedly not something I normally do in the evening and Sir was quite surprised this night when he reached beneath my skirt to find I had them on. Maybe that should be an unwritten rule ; ) no panties in the Den at night I shall wait to see if that instruction is forthcoming.

I had honestly thought it would be a rest night after the intensity of the night before but it's seems Sir had other ideas...and I do so like it when he gets ideas ; )

Lots of foreplay got me very turned on and very wet so when I felt the pressure of his fingers inside me it took very little for me to orgasm but I needed more and I got it.

I find it hard to put into words what it feels like to have his whole hand slide inside me, how amazing the experience is each and every time. This time I needed it and I told him so. It is an extremely intimate and trusting thing that plays havoc with my mind sending it spinning in several directions at once. It really is nothing short of incredible....


It began with instructions, to sit at his feet and massage them (if you haven't already guessed he likes that ;) ).  He bound my ankle with a cord, holding it to him and tugging gently now and again to remind me that he had. When both feet had received my loving attention I was told to sit beside him and he lay across me as I turned my attention to his cock and balls. I love the feel of his long hard shaft beneath my fingers as they slide along it's length, seeing the obvious reaction of his body to my touch. At one point I asked to be excused to use the toilet and before he would let me go he bound my hands together, removing the cord from one when I returned so I could resume my attention to him.

He eventually instructed me to sit opposite him and placed my hand between my legs "pleasure yourself" he told me and I did. Sliding my fingers along my nether lips, thumb caressing my clit feeling it harden. I was so horny it didn't take long for me to cum, knowing he was watching me as he stroked the length of his cock with his hand and reaching over at one point to slide his fingers inside me and to caress the sensitive skin around my anus.

My fingers left me and I turned myself over to his touch, his fingers sliding inside me firmly demanding more from my body. I climaxed again and again, my juices flowing freely. I twisted the cord around my hands as they rested above my head, binding both together, my mind filling in the gaps of fantasy. One step closer to the restraint I crave. 

Sir stopped, allowing me to catch my breath before he rose, heading for the wooden chest where we keep our toys. He returned, blindfold in hand and bade me to kneel with my head and arms on the couch before sliding the blindfold over my head and my world sunk into darkness. I could hear him rummaging into he chest and I wondered what he would bring over next and shuddered in anticipation.

My answer came soon as I felt the caress of the leather slapper against the soft skin of my buttocks, increasing a little as I moaned. Then it changed and the flogger came into contact with my skin, a moan escaped my lips as the bite of it's touch awakened thoughts within my head. He changed it this time, I felt the bite across my back as well as my buttocks and I came form this new sensation. A new discovery, I love my back being flogged. I guess in some ways not too much of a surprise as I enjoy my back being scratched, hard when zoning.

The rest is a blur, I remember him biting me and cumming hard from this new sensation but the rest is a blur as I slid into the depths of my mind. Pleasure and pain drawing me in, enveloping me.

Finally my voice returned to me to allow me to say thank you Sir, my breathing returned to normal and my head stopped spinning....

I could never go back to what it was before...nor would I want to...

Thursday, February 26, 2009


Things shifted a little last night, a sign of things to come ;)

I like serving Sir. Part of what makes me happy and completes me is making sure his needs are met. I like sitting at his feet rubbing them, making sure that his glass is full and there is always coffee when he needs it. Little things but important to me.

Sir instructed me last night to sit on the floor at his feet and moisturise them, this was new as it has always been something I have just done. I liked being told, I like the instruction and the demand.

When finished he told me to sit next to him on the couch, he lay next to me naked and I was clothed. The oil was there and I proceeded to drizzle it across his penis and scrotum before tracing the shape of him with my fingertips. Sliding my hands along the length of him, feeling him grow hard.

The lateness of the hour meant I didn't play long and soon it was time for bed (I live in a separate building on the same property...long story) I kissed Sir good night and as I stood to leave he instructed me to stand, legs apart. He slid his hand up my leg, discovering quickly that I was pantieless beneath my skirt. My body trembled as his fingertips came into contact with my clit, the shivers as the tingles of arousal shimmied through my body. It was hard to stand still and I am sure mybody was swaying...then he said time for my bed.

The instructions were not over I was about to leave he called me over, kissed me and told me "no masturbating until I say", I replied "Yes, Sir". the impact that instruction of Sirs made on me was quite immense. I liked it, I think I needed it.

I await the next instruction, I look forward to more eagerly

Wednesday, February 25, 2009


Sir has a wicked glint in his eye ;)

He is muttering about plotting and scheming.

I feel the aniticipation already;)

What a lucky sub I am!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Interesting observations

It's kind of interesting when you become aware of your thoughts. As D/s becomes a bigger part of my life it also becomes a bigger part of my thoughts in so many ways.

For a couple of reasons circumstances have meant that we haven't been able to explore more since the night I was flogged and I eagerly await the next step

In the meantime I see myself thinking more of being restrained. I sit next to Sir in the evening and entertain thoughts of sitting at his feet and serving him. Sometimes he wraps a cord around my foot when it rests on the couch beside him and he restrains it, holding it tight to him. I feel my heart beat faster and the feel of the cord around my ankle send shocks along my skin, my nipples tighten and I feel myself grow moist in anticipation.

I have thoughts of blindfolds and flogging, and of restraints and look at things differently than before. it has become a natural thing in so many ways.

Looking forward to the next time, eagerly wondering where Sir will lead me next on this journey. So many things we have discovered about this together and things I never knew existed have become a part of my essence.

Sunday, February 1, 2009

Something New...

Last night things changed. Last night I had my first flogging and the experience made a huge impact on me and on us. there is no going back but then there never was. We always move forward, the speed is undetermined but the direction is always forward and building on what was before taking it, me and us to new levels within our BDSM.

The last 10 days have been extremely emotional with us trying to see if someone new would fit into our poly lifestyle. The fit wasn't right for many reasons and this weekend it was ended and there has been much hurt and pain because of it. We both needed a release, a way to disperse the pain and deal with the feelings and one thing led to another.

Sir gently and lovingly shaved me, a ritual that is deeeply intimate and one we both take much pleasure in. It was a way of connecting, of giving and I love him for it. He teased me a little as he often does, sliding his fingers along my inner lips and gliding across the top of my clit causing it to respond. Once he had finished with his attention to the shaving he leant over and slid his tongue along the top of my clit and my reaction was instant. I came and I squirted. My body knows him so well, it's response to him is at a subconscious level and I sank into a blissful oblivion as he continued to tease more from my body. The tension melted away as I gained some of the release I desperately needed.

We sat afterwards for a while and then I got up to get something to eat. Sir asked me to stop as I went past our toy box and to get the flogger out. My breathe caught in my throat for a moment, anticipation of something new, something different and something I knew in my core I needed. He instructed me to kneel on the floor, facing away from him and I did so, lifting my skirt as I did. The aniticpation of that first caress of the flogger against my skin was immense, and I was not disappointed. It danced lightly across my skin as he moved from right to left, increasing the pressure, altering the stroke causing me to moan. Something happened within me, the response beyond my control and I reached an orgasm then felt my wetness run down my leg as I squirted and still he continued, taking me further, taking me deeper. My head felt light as I floated beyond, my body shook as the endorphin rush continued and then it was over as quickly as it began. Out of breath I still managed to quietly thank my Sir and unable to move I stayed kneeling as I collected myself again, the fragmented parts of my mind scattered momentarily.

Do I want more? Oh God yes. Another part of me was awakened last night and the journey continues. This is beyond wanting more, this is about craving more, needing more from the depths of my soul. An incredible hunger, now I ache to feel my wrists bound, to feel restrained and at his will.

Thursday, January 29, 2009


The beginning is the best place to start.....

I began to explore my sexuality when I left an abusive marriage. With Sir in my life (although D/s was not part of our relationship in any way at this point) I began a journey of discovery of who I am. Others came into my life and walked alongside me in my journey, giving me a part of themselves.

About 12 months ago the dynamics of the relationship between Sir and I began to change as our personal situation changed and we began to explore a little more in the D/s element....and I liked it. Now I crave it, ache for it deep inside my soul and my heart and my mind and body.

It has grown naturally from something that we dabbled in around the fringes of into something that has become a large part of our lives in some form or another. It's always different yet the same, probably doesn't make much sense but I understand what I mean.

There is a possibility in the future because we are polyamorous to add another sub to the mix. That I think will make for interesting developments as a recent experience opened my eyes to being potentially switch.